WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS 1700+ WORDS.
let’s just say hopefully this is one day i’ll come back to think of and laugh about it
but for now, i can’t forgive myself for ruinin prom…for a second time!
so basically, i’ll start all the way from the beginning…back to last year when i said i was gonna do a dance for prom…well of course that never happened cuz i didn’t take the time to make a routine (i just thought of it…trust me, it would’ve been sick) nor did i have a crew. maybe i’ll get the time to do some kind of routine in college. i was gonna use ddr mats and create a whole story and all that good stuff.
fast forward to a couple of months before prom…oh boy the complications of getting a prom date. it’s not really that hard but for a person lackin self-confidence, it sorta is. i wanted to ask this girl but i always thought she would say “no.” then, outta nowhere one day, i was catchin up with a friend of mine who i haven’t talked to for a while and somehow we agreed to be backup prom dates. i thought for a while that i would have a lot of fun with her so she became my primary choice; however i never told her that. well, she wanted to go with another guy so i encouraged her to ask him. as some time went on, they did become prom dates; i was fine with that, i was happy for them.
So i decided to do something completely radical and run for prom prince…i mean hey, this thing comes once in a lifetime and nobody was doing it so why not? i ain’t popular but it seemed kinda cool to have my name on that ballot. i did it the last day we were able to sign up for it. that night, i asked joel why he didn’t run for prom prince and he was like “oh crap i forgot. i’ll do it now.” the problem was that i held the last of the 5 spots as a candidate for prom prince so a big UH OH there. he didn’t really want to go unless he was able to run for prom prince. and guess what? the backup prom date i mentioned b4…the person she wanted to go with was joel. so i was literally like w.t.f.? if u didn’t follow, basically if i don’t let joel run for prom prince, he might’ve not went and she wouldn’t have had him as a date and she might’ve went with me. if i give up my prom prince position, joel can go and she would have him as a prom date. in the end, i decided to let joel run for prom prince and i thought i was being selfless and it would make me feel good about myself. but truth is, i found out i was more selfish than ever. why’s that? cuz i wanted some recognition for doing it, i wanted that recognition so badly…like i was a part of something special. i would look at joel’s wordpress blog entries hopin to find my name somewhere but to of no avail. and i was talking to joel before about it too…how i felt like crap that she wanted to go with him instead of me and how i felt like i wasn’t appreciated enough? i know it’s bad, but i’m just being honest. it sorta sucks to picture everyone remembering like “oh man joel won prom prince how cool” but where’s raymond in this? hey joel, man i have all the love in the world for u (no homo) and a true CONGRATULATIONS on winning prom prince. u deserved it man. i just let the whole situation get the best of it. but what i did, i know something good came out of it and i SHOULD be happy. i’ll bring myself to appreciate it one day.
fast forward to the day of prom. oh man, i remember how i was mad nervous about everything and worrying what was gonna go wrong. i was over at roger’s cuz that’s where we were gonna get picked up. i was talkin to people online hopin to calm myself down. when we were in the limo, i had the sudden urge to pee (seriously watermelon makes u wanna pee like 3-4 times within an hour). God bless the lady who let me use her restaurant bathroom when we got to chinatown. All the girls in the limo looked mad beautiful in their dresses. I never got the chance to tell them. And then we were driven to prom…and it all went downhill from there.
the hammerstein ballroom looked mad nice. when we got out of the limo, we were able to take some pics with people there. everyone looked beautiful, it was amazing. when we got inside, we had to go to the 2nd floor to wait for the 1st floor to be set up. while i was up there, i was waiting for this girl to give her the corsage i bought her. everyone went off to talk to people so i was just standing there. people would come ask “what are u doing standing there all by yourself?”…it just made me feel like a loser loL. well, the girl never came up and when we went downstairs to the 1st floor, i couldn’t find my table. the idiot that i was, i went back up to the 2nd floor pretendin to enjoy the view until everyone settled down. i finally found my table but this feeling came over me that i didn’t wanna go down. i became an emo idiot. i stayed up there for a good 2 hours…iono why…maybe i wanted someone to come up and drag me down and showed that he/she cared. my table finally noticed me and told me to come down…i finally went down after some time from when michelle and jackie came up to tell me to go down. before the waiter cleared our table, i told him to keep my dish. i ate half my chicken with a knife and gave up on the food. after some more time, i finally decided to go up and dance and take my mind off what had happened. but somewhere in the back of my head, it was telling me “it’s already too late u fool, u already ruined prom for yourself cuz u wasted 2-3 hours of prom already.” but still, thank you to Rita, Jennifer Fang, Anna, Jackie, and Jamie for dancing with me. Especially you Jamie, thanks for my first grinding lesson loL. i sucked but it was umm definitely very interesting? so i did try to enjoy myself for the last 2 hours of prom.
time to talk about afterprom. we went to japas for karaoke to celebrate jackie’s bday and then to the beach. so first of all, shoutout to jackie for a HAPPY HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY! karaoke was pretty fun although i tried not to mic-hog like everyone accuses me of doing. it was pretty fun. then, we headed to brighton beach to watch the sunrise. once again, it went downhill. for some reason, when we got to the beach, i went into emo mode again…not really emo, but more of like a “i don’t belong here” type of mentality. it was fun to see everyone enjoyin themselves takin pics and everything but i didn’t try to assert myself into the group. i basically walked around and stephen came to talk to me for a lil bit. he put a lil sense into me i guess but it didn’t help me try to make the best of it. everyone was just doing their thing and takin funny pics and all i did was walk around. i felt like if i joined in, it would ruin their moment because it was their thing and not mine. after all, it did feel a bit awkward being the only guy there besides stephen. after sunrise (which we didn’t really see), we all headed home. and btw, the q train took forever to come. i got home around 7AM and just died in my bed; it was one exhausting day.
i’m just really disappointed in how i ruined my 2nd prom. i thought i would’ve learned from my first prom’s mistakes but damn, i did the same thing over again. i couldn’t have put on a smile for those few hours and not make a fool out of myself. i couldn’t have tried to enjoy what was left of the day. i didn’t do the best i could’ve to help make jackie’s bday as perfect as it could’ve been. i’m afraid i’ll be remembered as the emo boy from prom…like if someone talks about prom and somebody goes like “oh wasn’t ray like being an emo idiot that day?” that would be the worst last impression i make of myself in high school. that’s what everybody’s gonna remember about me. not the happy ray, not the dance-like-i-didn’t-care-at-prom ray, but an emo ray. i hate the emo ray. i hate him so much myself. and btw, if u guys were curious, the corsage thing didn’t work at all! i failed so miserably in trying to be “smooth” and got so nervous. i tried to “wow” her i guess but two thumbs down for that. but it’s the effort that counts right? loL
i promise my posts later on won’t be so emo or long or anything. i’m tired of fighting it and sometimes i just want to write down how i feel. that’s all, no harm intended. but it’s time to change lil by lil for the better and learn from my mistakes. it’s time to be me. it’s time to offer what i know i’m capable of to the world. that’s what God wants me to do, that’s for sure. i apologize for being a complete emo idiot yesterday but apologizing doesn’t go anywhere so just it’s time to show that i will change and that i will try. just you wait and see.
and seriously guys…do not let any moment slip away because u can never get them back. if i learned anything through this, it would be that. do not let go when something good comes your way, it may never come back again.
feel free to leave a comment. it’s the least u can do after reading all this loL. if it’s something negative, it’s fine; i probably deserve it anyway. maybe i’ll learn from them.
